Treasure & Food for my Soul

The moment you saw me,
you throw a glorious smile that killed me.
I could linger at that glimpse forever,
savor the unexpected ecstasy, repeatedly.

Immersed in the infinite loop of escape.
Literally, I'll be like an unproductive useless (creepy) garbage,
just relive this for hours.
That interrupted flash wasn't me,
but thank you, unknown Ojisan next to me,
for somehow making this moment happen.
This makes me so happy, it hurts.
I'm so glad I recorded this, capture this moment, best decision I ever made.
No memory can replicate every details.

"I just wanna cry, all the time" - Fleabag
If I allow myself to go there.

(I'm acutely aware of my situation, 

because I've been there, and I don't want to go back there, 

not to sound dramatic, but when you're in the dark spiral, 

any compulsion could potentially be fatal.)

With work, with film, with music,
with every mediocre trivial things,
I have to distract myself all the time.

With extreme ups and downs, 

I'm so volatile and unstable right now,

I feel like bipolar, with self-diagnosis,

I'm constantly under the shadow of internet news, 

scared of my biggest fear to be confirmed.

Will I, ever see you, again?

I just want to know you're okay,

once in a while, then I'll be content.

***

Looks like I'm gonna rely on this and my archive to get through 2021.

Congrats on 3rd baby! (Phew, what a great relief! sorry for acting like a crazy person, I panicked)

I'm so glad it's the best possible outcome, hope everything goes smooth and well. Waiting for your return.  - 3/24