Lily Myers - “Shrinking Women” 縮水的女人

So Powerful! it gives me the goosebumps

2013年的全球性學院工會詩歌大滿貫邀請賽(College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational)，莉莉•邁爾斯(Lily Myers)以一首詩〈縮水的女人〉(Shrinking Women)拿下2013 年「最佳愛情詩句」冠軍頭銜。

她的朗讀中，我感受到一種文雅、精緻，昇華至藝術性的憤怒。她的憤怒有幽默的餘裕，有精確到近乎無情的自我剖析。她將舉世女性共感的氛圍具象化，這樣壓縮多層次的文字令人迷醉。

非常喜歡她朗誦前如同職業鋼琴家閉目集中精神的儀式, 與語畢頭也不回就走的憤怒感。

Shrinking Women 縮水的女人

中譯 by Bone

Across from me at the kitchen table, my mother smiles
在餐桌彼端 母親對我微笑
over red wine that she drinks out of a measuring glass.
一邊啜飲 斟在量杯裡的紅酒
She says she doesn't deprive herself,
她說她並未委屈自己
but I've learned to find nuance in every movement of her fork.
但我已學會察知她餐叉毎個細微的動作
In every crinkle in her brow as she offers me the uneaten pieces on her plate.
及她眉間的毎道皺摺 當她給我自己盤中沒碰過的食物
I've realized she only eats dinner when I suggest it.
我意識到 她只在我提議吃晚餐時進食
I wonder what she does when I’m not there to do so.
真納悶當我不在身邊提醒時 她會怎麼做

Maybe this is why my house feels bigger each time I return; it’s proportional.
也許這正是為何每次我歸巢時 家都顯得又大了點的原因 這是比例問題
As she shrinks the space around her seems increasingly vast.
當她縮水的同時 周圍的空間則似乎日漸廣闊
She wanes while my father waxes.
她和父親的體型如月之盈虧消長
His stomach has grown round with wine, late nights, oysters, poetry.
他的肚皮隨著水酒 消夜 生蠔及詩歌餵養 日益圓潤
A new girlfriend who was overweight as a teenager,
他有位新女友年輕時曾體型過重
but my dad reports that now she’s “crazy about fruit.”
但我爸宣稱 "現在她愛死水果了"

It was the same with his parents;
同樣的情況也發生在他父母身上
as my grandmother became frail and angular her husband swelled
當我的祖母日漸虛弱嶙峋 她的丈夫卻膨脹
to red round cheeks, rotund stomach
面頰紅潤 肚皮渾圓
and I wonder if my lineage is one of women shrinking
我納悶這是否為吾譜系之宿命 女人縮水
making space for the entrance of men into their lives
為進入她們生命中的男人騰出空間
not knowing how to fill it back up once they leave.
一旦他們離開 便不知如何填滿空虛

I have been taught accommodation.
我被教導該事事妥協
My brother never thinks before he speaks.
我弟弟說話不經大腦
I have been taught to filter.
我則被教導謹言慎行
“How can anyone have a relationship to food?” He asks, laughing,
他笑問 "誰會跟食物糾葛不清啊?"
as I eat the black bean soup I chose for its lack of carbs.
當我嚥下因含較少碳水化合物而選擇的黑豆湯
I want to say: we come from difference, Jonas,
我想告訴他 我們的背景完全不同 喬納斯
you have been taught to grow out
你一直被教導向外發展
I have been taught to grow in
我則被教導要時時內省
you learned from our father how to emit, how to produce,
你從父親身上學到如何外放 如何生產
to roll each thought off your tongue with confidence,
如何充滿自信的表達自我主張
you used to lose your voice every other week from shouting so much
你以前每隔一陣子都會因過度咆哮而倒嗓
I learned to absorb
我則學習內斂
I took lessons from our mother in creating space around myself
我師承母親 在自己周圍製造空間
I learned to read the knots in her forehead while the guys went out for oysters
當男人們外出大啖生蠔時 我學會了解讀她額頭的糾結
and I never meant to replicate her, but spend enough time sitting across from someone and you pick up their habits
我從未刻意複製她 但長期近距離觀察一個人 對其生活習慣自然會耳濡目染

that’s why women in my family have been shrinking for decades.
這正是為何數十年來我家族的女人不斷縮水
We all learned it from each other,
我們都學習彼此
the way each generation taught the next how to knit
代代傳承如何編織
weaving silence in between the threads
在絲線間編織沉默
which I can still feel as I walk through this ever-growing house, skin itching,
當我橫跨這棟日益增長的房子時 仍能感受到 皮膚搔癢
picking up all the habits my mother has unwittingly dropped
撿拾我母親不知不覺中掉落的習慣
like bits of crumpled paper from her pocket on her countless trips
如同她口袋中皺巴巴的紙條 當她無數次
from bedroom to kitchen to bedroom again,
往返於臥室與廚房間
Nights I hear her creep down to eat plain yogurt in the dark,
夜裡 我聽見她在黑暗中溜下樓吃無糖優格
a fugitive stealing calories to which she does not feel entitled.
像個難民 盜取一點她自認不配擁有的熱量
Deciding how many bites is too many
無法決定該吃幾口才不算太多
How much space she deserves to occupy.
亦不知她有權支配多少空間

Watching the struggle I either mimic or hate her,
目睹她的掙扎 我不知該仿效還是怨懟
And I don’t want to do either anymore
兩者我都無意重複
but the burden of this house has followed me across the country
但這宅邸的枷鎖 卻如影隨形伴著我

I asked five questions in genetics class today and all of them started with the word “sorry”.
今天我在遺傳學課問了5個問題 但每句話的開頭都是習慣性的"抱歉"

I don't know the capstone requirements for the sociology major
我不知道主修社會學的必備條件
because I spent the entire meeting deciding whether or not I could have another piece of pizza
因為課程中我一心只糾結著 自己稍後能否再吃片披薩
a circular obsession I never wanted but
一種我避之唯恐不及的環狀執迷
inheritance is accidental
但繼承是偶然的
still staring at me with wine-soaked lips from across the kitchen table.
依舊在餐桌彼端 嘴唇沾染酒漬 凝視著我

                – Lily Myers

Blythe Baird朗讀的版本, 火氣和戲劇性較強, 但原版淡然陳述的風格和控訴的對比更強烈